It's Sunday night and I'm lying in bed, nursing one baby, and rocking the other. My husband is readying himself for another week of work, and Sunday night football is rumbling in the background.
We went to the pumpkin patch on Saturday night and spent Sunday morning in bed snuggling two sweet newborns. A dream weekend, if you ask me. So I find myself thinking, "I don't want this weekend to end." But such is life, isn't it? Wishing the wonderful weekends could last forever and waiting impatiently for the hard days to end.
I gaze at my sweet 5 week old twins and can hardly remember what it was like without them here. That thought reminds me - I don't want these moments to end. Their littleness. Their neediness. Their innocence. I want it forever, yet some nights, when it's just me to take care of two little babies' sadness on an empty tank of sleep, I wish for them to be older. For it to get easier.
I am in the trenches of life. Just as I can not make this weekend last forever, I can not make hard times move any faster - nor should I. The blissful and the ugly are equal in this life. Both so important in making this experience so damn beautiful.
I have to remember that life is now. It will get better and it will get worse, but I cannot focus on that. I have to focus on whatever is happening right now. These babies of mine are changing and growing every single day and I know these sweet newborn fases will only last so long.
So, my mantra every single day is, "All I have to do today is be my babies' mom," and my anxieties wash away. This is the life I've always dreamed of, I must remember that.
Take good care, lovelies.